Gappy Stu and the Three Magicians
by Hydrochlorination
Summary: A One-shot that combines Touhou with a well-known story.(Disclaimer: I do not own any canon characters)


Once upon a time, there were three magicians who lived together in the forest of magic. There was the Purple magician:

"Marisa, I'm trying to _read_ this book."

The Doll magician:

"Marisa, we _live_ together, you don't have to steal our books anymore."

And the Ordinary Magician:

"Chillax Alice, I'm only borrowing them, Da ze~"

One day, they all went over to the Hakurei Shrine for a post-incident party. Whilst they were away, a new face stumbled across the scene.

"Hmm? Why is there a house in the middle of the forest?"

This was gensokyo's newest outsider, who donned a red cape, a plaid vest, a top hat, and jeans. He was currently on the quest for magicks, preferably non-fire ones. After thinking for a bit, he gave a cheeky grin to no-one in particular.

"Well, I suppose a magic forest has to have _some_ kind of magic house in it."

With that, John Smith the outsider walked into the house, the first room being the kitchen. On a table, there were three sandwiches. John picked up the first one.

"Well, I suppose a bite couldn't hurt."

Taking a bite, John's face turned into one of disgust, as he spit out the piece he was chewing on.

"OH GOD! WHO PUTS ANCHOVIES ON A GUACAMOLE AND BANANA SANDWICH!"

John, after taking a minute to regain his composure, tentatively bit into the second sandwich. This one was swallowed, but the disgusted look remained.

"Blegh, I hate peppers."

Finally, John tasted the last sandwich. After a tender moment of just existing, he wolfed down the rest the amazing sandwich.

" Heh, good thing no-one was around to see that."

John then proceeded to walk into the next room, where three books sat on a desk. He skimmed through the first one, before tossing it aside.

"Bleh, fire magic."

John looked through the second book, before putting that aside as well.

" Animation magic? Who needs that?"

John Read the last book, then stored it in one of his hammerspace pockets sewn into his vest.

" Well, Giant lasers certainly seem handy. I'll just borrow this for a bit"

Blissfully unaware of the irony, John walked up the stairs and into a bedroom, where there were three beds.

"Hmm, I'm sensing a pattern here. Whelp, I need a rest anyways."

To test his new theory, John jumped into the bed furthest away from the door. As he suspected, It was just right for him. He barely had enough time to take off his top hat before sleep overtook him

|~|Later|~|

Patchouli, Alice, and Marisa returned home, the latter being completely wasted. As they walked (and stumbled) into the kitchen, Patchouli noticed something.

"Hey, someone's been eating my sandwich, and they spit it out too."

Alice realized something similar.

"Hmmm, some person's been eating _my_ sandwich."

Finally, Marisa saw a thing.

"Hey~o, did I already eat my sandwich, or did some guy do it for me?"

Mildly perturbed, the three magicians went into the living room. Something was off there, as well.

"Hey, some person's been reading my fire magic."

"Hmmm, Someone's been skimming through _my_ book."

"Hey~a, did I borrow my _own_ book, da ze~?"

Perplexed, Patchouli and Alice floated up the stairs, the latter of which was carrying Marisa. In the bedroom, something was amiss here, too.

"Oi, did someone put a body pillow in my bed?"

Upon hearing their voices, John woke up. He looked over and saw the two steamed magicians, and the drunken witch. John nervously chuckled

"Is it to late to say sorry?"

"Indeed. [Fire Sign]~Agni Radiance"

"[Curse]~Hanged Hourai Doll"

"Oh, are we in a duel now? Great idea! [Loving Heart]~Double Spark!"

Yelling, John grabbed his top hat and jumped out the window just in time. When the dust eventually settled, Marisa looked over at the remains of the bed.

"I think we gottem, ze~"

Then, she passed out. Under the windowsill, John hyperventilated. That was the last time he ever slept in a bed in an unknown place. Shaking, John slowly walked away.

|~|The End|~|


End file.
